What’s Wrong with Being Single?

It’s been such a busy time these last few months with a new challenging role at work to tackle. And I am not the only one being busy. I seem to be surrounded by busybodies too! Whether it’s a social occasion or a cab ride, I have been plagued by just one question. “Are you married?” The most common variation is “Where’s your husband?” or “What does your husband do?” Cab drivers, nosy aunties at Diwali parties, nosier friends and peers. Why is everybody interested in my marital status?

While I have been most polite and answered that I am still single. The comeback to that statement has sometimes left me angry, sometimes amused and other times even grateful. Grateful to people who have moved on to other topics. Seething with anger towards those people who want to know why I am still single and actually have the gall to ask if they should find a husband for me! One busybody even said she was sorry! I was too shocked for a comeback after that.

I have contemplated various comebacks to these meddlesome people depending on my frame of mind at that point. “Do you actually think I need help finding a partner?” or “Do you think there is some problem with me?” or “I will not settle for anything less than John Abraham” or when I am at the end of my patience, “ I am a lesbian”. Clarification to those people who suspect that I am, sorry to break the bubble - I am not really gay! Pretending to be one does seem interesting though.

After this deluge of uncomfortable questions, I did ask a couple of other single friends if they faced the same problem. Surprise! I was not the only one! Initially I did think that it was a gender thing, - only women are targeted for being single, but I am happy to say I was wrong. The men have it just as bad. They have even been asked if they have problem! Which is supposed to mean “Are they impotent or gay”?

Somebody, please tell me why this pre occupation with marriage? And its not limited to Indians, I have been asked this question by a person from every nationality I have met, by both men and women. Most single people I know seem to be happier than the married ones I know. What’s Wrong with Being Single?

The Travel Bug 2- Bali

April- saw me in Bali with my good friend Lisa who was visiting from India. A 4D-3N package that included the flights on Garuda Airlines via Jakarta and stay in the Mercure -Kuta Beach Resort. Very close to the Bali bombings that happened in 2002. The recovery is amazing and there are no traces anymore.

The first day was spent in exploring a portion of the island of Bali. Bali is pre-dominantly Hindu, so the minute they know you are a Hindu they are quite curious to know more about how we practice the religion. So the day started with dance recital of an obscure incident from the Mahabharatha. The costumes were fantastic with elaborate head gears, masks and the like. The background music was provided by different types of percussion instruments that included hammers! Couldn’t really follow the story but it was quite entertaining in any case.

Bali is renowned for its handcrafts and they have villages dedicated to a particular craft. So we visited a village that has skilled craftsmen employed in creating handmade silver jewelry. We visited a showroom that sold these pieces of art. I am sure they wished we didn’t. Being Indians who frequent the Linking Roads of India, we halved most of the prices and they agreed reluctantly. Though I think they still made a good profit.

Ubud – is the area that these villages occupy. We went to a wood carving village as well that had these sublime Ram-Sita busts with the most beautiful serene expressions. If only I could afford it. The sculpture is firmly etched in my mind and it’s one of the best expressions of love that I have ever seen.

From here we went to Kintamani that are highlands near the volcanic region of Bali. You can even see the steam rising from the active volcano. In the pic, you can see the glassy lake surrounded by these peakless mountains. Nature does have a way of sweeping you of your feet!

On the return journey we went to Goa Gajah- a cave temple dedicated to the Hindu god-Lord Ganesha. There were also lingas denoting the trinity of Indian gods- Shiva, Vishnu and Brahma. Before you enter you are supposed to cover your legs with a sarong provided by the temple and also wash you hands in the tank that is fed by a fresh water spring.

The next few days are a blur since we spent them all on the beach, in the beautiful blue green waters. Kuta is a surfer’s paradise and I was even willing to try it if only I knew how to even float! For lunch one afternoon, we sampled all the local fruits that the hawker had dipping them in fresh red chilly paste. The names were quite interesting too, snake-skin fruit, hog plums!

One place to avoid in Bali- the Hard Rock Cafe. They had an excuse of a band with the lead singers just screeching into the mike. The food sucked, the cocktails had a sprinkling of alcohol and as the night progressed it started turning into a pick-up jointe for lonely tourists!

Bali is THE tropical paradise it claims to be and has co much to offer besides its famed beaches though I just can’t get enough of these very beaches. Maybe another 10 visits for the beaches and an additional 10 visits to explore the rest of Bali. That should suffice for this lifetime!

The Travel Bug 1- Malacca

The past few months have been feeding my travel bug, making it all powerful. After a trip to India where I described my travels to the Konkan, (chronicles that are still in the making), the travel bug has ensured that I visited a new place every month. There is something claustrophobic about Singapore despite all the open spaces, trees and beaches. I get restless to get out of Singapore ever so often. Or it could just be the travel.

So in March, a week after I returned from India, I visited Malacca or Melaka in Malaysia (as it is known in Malay). It was a motley crew from the condo complex that I stay in. My friend and I were the only Indians. The rest were a mix of Singaporeans, Americans, Australians and Chinese. Retirees, hassled housewives, kids and bored young women like us. Malacca is a four-hour drive (245 km) from Singapore and is located on the southwestern coast of Malay Peninsula opposite Sumatra and commands a central position on the Straits of Malacca.
The precise origins of Malacca are disputed. It appears that Malacca was founded by Parameswara, a Srivijayan prince who fled Sumatra in 1377. He found his way to Malacca where he found a good port accessible in all seasons and on the strategically located narrowest point of the Malacca Straits. He established Malacca as major international port by compelling passing ships to call there, and establishing fair and reliable facilities for warehousing and trade. Mass settlement of Chinese, mostly from the imperial and merchant fleet occurred duringthis period.A cultural result of the vibrant trade was the expansion of the Peranakan people, who spread to other major settlements in the region.

In 1511, it became a strategic base for Portuguese expansion in the East Indies.Followed by the Dutch who ruled Malacca from 1641 to 1795 but they were not interested in developing it as a trading centre.Malacca was ceded to the Britishand from 1826 to 1946 and was governed, first by the British East India Company and then as a Crown Colony.

All these influences are visible in the culture of this quaint town. There is even an abandoned church on the hill which housed the remains of Francis Xavier until it was transported to Goa. The architecture reflects a mix of Portuguese and British influences. Th street markets, the town square reminded me so much of Goa, it was like being back home again.

Malacca is well-known for its food. Most notable of all is the Nyonya-Baba cuisine or Peranakan which is a mixture of Chinese and Malay cooking with most dishes being spicy. We were served Sambal Udon which is baby prawns in a spicy chilly gravy accompanied with steamed rice.. There were a couple of chicken and beef dishes along with a dish called Otak-Otak and is made by mixing fish paste (usually mackerel) with a mixture of spices including chillies, garlic, shallots, turmeric, lemon grass and coconut milk. The mixture is then wrapped in a pandan leaf, then or steamed. The meal ended with ice cold chendol. The dessert's basic ingredients consist of shaved ice, coconut milk, starch noodles with green food coloring (usually sourced from the pandan leaf) and palm sugar red beans and grass jelly. My favorites were the Sambal Undon, Otak-Otak and Chendol, of course. I normally don’t really enjoy sea food, but these were the exceptions. Skipping breakfast, waking up at 6 am, is my excuse.

Highlights of the trip-the drive to and back from Malacca-really beautiful with thick tropical jungles lining the highway. The food with out any doubts. The colonial, laid back atmostphere. Breath taking view of the beach from the broken down church on the hill. It’s a great getaway for a day trip!

Konkan Chronicles –Part II

A Journey to Find My Roots

Mangalore-my birthplace, land of my ancestors. I had heard so much about Mangalore before I went there in 2004. It was all that and more! A bustling city where people actually speak my native tongue-Konkani. Believe me, when you have spent all your life speaking tongues other than your own, it feels wonderful! It IS home!

Mangalore is where I found this little piece of history tucked away in locality teeming with local fishermen and their families. Sultan Battery- built by Tipu Sultan to prevent warships entering the Gurpur river. Although it is a watchtower, it gives the impression of a miniature fortress and even has openings to allow for mounting of cannons. The view is spectacular (as can be seen in the adjoining pic) and its not tough to imagine an armed lookout keeping vigil day after day.

Being a foodie, the traditional Mangalorean food interested me tremendously. I sampled a lot of the local Saraswat fare. Dishes that we don’t cook at home usually. Pan pole or neer dosa ( rice pancakes mixed with coconut) as the bunts call it. Bun roti or buns (sweet, savory fried snack). Goli bajji (spicy snack made from refined flour, yoghurt and chillies) Kori roti- a bunt specialty(Chicken with a fiery gravy made of coconut milk, served with card board like pancakes). Kane masala fry- another bunt delicacy which is a coconut oil fried river fish topped with a fiery paste of red chilies and tamarind. And, finally lots and lots of Gadbad ice-cream. A concoction that consists of fresh fruits, different flavors of ice-cream topped with dry fruits. A gastronomic delight to say the least! And I am beginning to hallucinate about food after living a food deprived life in Singapore these last few months.

From Mangalore, we visited a lot of other important places of worship for my community-the Chitrapur Saraswat Brahmins. They are mostly small villages which are the resting places of our spiritual gurus. My bed time stories sometimes comprised of stories of these gurus. Digression alert-Sadly I don’t remember the chronology or any other aspects of this part of my community history. Another thing to add to my list of things to do. The list just keeps getting longer- Digression alert over. The places we visited were Vittal, Mallapur, Gokarn and Shirali. All these places except for Shirali have only the family of the priest in the premises. And it scares me to think of living in the middle of nowhere with your whole life tied to the remains of another human.

The only one among these shrines or math (pronounced mutt) that truly had an impact on me is the Bhandikeri math at Gokarn. This is the samadhi (final resting place) of our first guru H.H. Shrimat Parijnanashram-I Swamiji (1708-1720). You get here after taking a winding road up a hill that overlooks the Arabian Sea. Nestled among mango and bamboo groves is a small cottage with the typical tiled roof that characterises the architecture of most houses in the Konkan. You are at peace here no matter how hard you fight it.

In the next part of my chronicles, I want to touch some more on Gokarn, Shirali and Ankola. I don’t know how many parts it will take me before I finish chronicling my journeys but obviously its made such a powerful impact on me that I visit the Konkan atleast once a year no matter which part of the world I reside in.

The Konkan Chronicles –Part I

Everytime I visit the Konkan coast with its beautiful white beaches, numerous rivers flowing into the blue, blue Arabian Sea, deep green coconut trees swaying gently along these waters, I know I have returned home!

The precise definition of Konkan varies, but most include Maharashtra's districts of Raigad, Ratnagiri and Sindhudurg, the state of Goa, and the Kanara districts (North and South) of Karnataka.The sapta-Konkan as depicted in Skanda-purana stretches from southern Gujarat in the north to Kerala in the south.

I was born in Mangalore-the heart of the Konkan coast-many, many earth revolutions ago. My first conscious memory of the Konkan is visiting my friend’s palatial house in Vasco-da-gama, Goa. When you are eighteen years old, visiting a new place on your own without your family along is pretty exciting in itself. But Goa is magical at any age. It’s a laidback, chilled out place even in the hottest of summers. Memories of long drives to reach far-off beaches. Coconut and cashew trees lining the roads interrupted by tiny shrines dedicated to the Bom Jesus or Madonna. Singing along with Bon Jovi, feeling the rain on our faces and the sea lapping at our feet. Trying all sorts of seafood that I didn’t know existed. Shacks by the beach lit up by numerous little festive lights.Lively local bands singing popular Goan numbers. But you still hear the sound of the waves in the background. The paradox of energy and calm.

My second trip to the Konkan was a geological excursion. Beginning with Malvan where breakfast was Misal-pav and jilebi, lunch provided on their verandahs by the local residents.The Sindhudurg fort where I slipped and grazed my shin. We did pick up a lot of rock samples, looked at a lot of geological formations and partied every night. We winded down to the iron ore mines in Goa through Sawantwadi-some more rock formations , Chapora-the fort with a view to some wind erosion formations, Vagator- rock formations caused by a combination of wind and sea erosion. I wish I could remember the names of the rocks and the formations & structures that our professors painstakingly tried to drill into our thick-heads. Probably time to google for them. Look out for the next edition of the Konkan Chronicles!

Buddhas, Massages and Flyovers

Bangkok connotes exotic for most people. My first impression was that it was so much like India. Everywhere you go, you are surrounded by flyovers and yes, those damn one-ways just like Bangalore. And both the flyovers and one-ways haven’t eased the traffic situation in anyway.

A four day trip is too short a time to explore Bangkok. Most of my time went in looking at Buddhas of all sizes made from all different materials. Jade, 22-carat gold, bronze, cement, resin, wood, hide, you name it. With most of the population being Buddhist, its no wonder that they have as many pagodas as we have temples in India.

Eddie- our guide was more interested in packing as many things as he could in a day rather than letting us soak in the place. We always knew we had reached our destinantion when he said “ Welcome, welcome” in his typical sing-song fashion. He would also say “Thank you, driver” very loudly at regular intervals. The driver didn’t seem to understand any English at all, so I have no idea for whose benefit Eddie said it.

The weekend market(Chatuchak), the floating market, the night market- Bangkok is a shoppers paradise, you can find anything you want. The only pre-requisite being that you are good at haggling. They will quote outrageous prices and even if you half that price and buy the object of your desire, you will come away with this lingering doubt that maybe you could have bought it for cheaper. Personally, I enjoyed the ferry ride to the floating market more than the shopping itself. But if you have ever taken a boat ride in the exquisite back waters of Kerala, this is not so exciting.

Bangkok is also about their famed massages. I did get a 2 hour Thai massage for just 500 baht. They use acupressure techniques and it was pretty relaxing after the hours and hours we spent walking around looking at Buddhas.

We also visited the old Thai capital of Ayyuthaya (sounds so much like Ayodhya., doesn’t it!). Magnificient gardens surrounded by ponds. European architecture blending with Thai, giving it a very unique look and feel.

Another interesting temple ( though closed for worship) is Wat Arun. The temple of Dawn. (yup, Arun means the same in Thai as in Hindi). The temple is decorated with broken pieces of ceramic plates and other such things that were found from Chinese shipwreck years ago. Unless you went clsoe to the temple, you would neve know it was made from scrap.

I know Bangkok is one place I will visit again. There is a lot still so much to explore!

You Win Some, You Lose Some!

Last week was a memorable one in many ways. I spent a week in my favorite city- Sydney. Like a friend was telling me the other day, the minute you exit the airport, you can feel that Sydney is different. The air is so crisp and fresh, the people all beautiful with well toned bodies and it’s oh-so-clean!

On my last visit, I mostly traveled by cab so didn’t really experience the city except like a tourist would. This time I took the train around, got quite lost in the maze of malls that dot the city center. I love Sydney also for its food. It’s one place where you get really authentic food. A 10-course Chinese meal to Mediterranean fare, I tried everything and loved most of it.

Another reason for it being a memorable week was the overwhelming response to one of my previous blogs-NO, I am not a Maharashtrian! Thanks to the person who forwarded the link to other interested people. A big thank you to everybody who read the post and left encouraging comments. I have started believing that people actually like to read my posts.

Last weekend was also my first Diwali in Singapore. There was a dinner organized for all the Indian families in the condo complex I stay. Crackers, decked up women, sweets, a fancy dinner…the works! The operative word here though was FAMILY. Not really the best place for a single working woman, I learnt again. My hopes of meeting likeminded, fun loving, young people were dashed once more.

And the ‘icing’ on the cake was of course a virus affecting my yahoo account making my account inoperable. It is an account that I have had since the 90s. It has been restored now but for a day I felt like I had been robbed of my identity. Moral of this story- you win some, you lose some!

Dreams-Mirror Inner Feelings Or Future Life?

While it's been sometime since I had this dream or should I call it a nightmare. It has intrigued me so much that I have felt the need to look it up to see what it means. www.dreammoods.com is the site that I picked to find interpretations to my dream

The recurrent dream that I have had in the past ( thankfully its been some time since I had it) is that of cats or kittens biting me. I can actually feel those incredibly sharp teeth sinking into my fingers. And man is it painful!!! As a child we used have cats at home as pets and have been very fond of them. But in the past year or so they look evil to me. And what you fear when you know its silly , you begin to hate. To make matters worse, cats in Singapore are considered sacred so there are stray cats everywhere you go. So the nightmare seemed like it was getting real. It was time I found the signifcance of what the dream meant. Here is what the site says “To dream that a cat is biting you, symbolizes the devouring female. Perhaps you are taking and taking without giving. You may be expressing some fear or frustration especially when something is not going as planned.” The frustration bit seems plausible coz in some ways I am a control freak and it does get to me if things don’t go the way I have planned it.

I did check some of my other dreams which are pleasant enough and occur at regular frequencies. The explanation to those seemed pretty plausible as well, though I did have my own interpretations to them. The site also gives interpretations which are not just about your inner feelings but also some that serve as portents. I am not sure how true those are but it did make me delve into history and mythology for examples that I remember from childhood tales. The one I was looking for was the birth of the Buddha. His mother- the Queen Mahamaya is believed to have dreamt of a white elephant carrying a lotus flower. I remember there was much more to this, but couldn’t find what I was looking for. The interpretation to this dream was that a son would be born to the queen. The child would either grow to be a great king or an enlightened man. Now consider this, if you were invited to interpret the dream for a powerful couple who haven’t been able to conceive for twenty years, what would you tell them? Obviously what they want to hear- a son who will be great in some way or the other! That’s what I find astrologers do too, they tell you all the good stuff that you want to hear and some bad stuff so they can make money. Win-win like all the good things in life!